Greetings!

For our inaugural issue of The Relational Lifeline, we want to let you know all about the formation of the new Relational Life Institute, RLI's recent and upcoming accomplishments, as well as the people who've made it all happen. 

And as much as we want you to know all about RLI, we also want to provide you with support in your own daily practice.  So in this and future issues, you'll find thoughts and reflections from people using the model both personally and professionally, tips and wisdom from Terry and other RLI stars, and access to additional information and products that can help you to live relationally.  We'll also keep you posted on upcoming events, workshops and speaking engagements.

You'll also notice that we're trying to expand the Relational Life Community.  This is very important since Relational Living is counter to what most of us were taught and socialized to do.  We hope the Relational Lifeline will keep you connected to RLI and serve as a tool in supporting and increasing your own relational practice. 

This is your newsletter - your access to a larger community.  Let us know what you would like to see - give us your ideas and your submissions.  Did you have a great success or learning experience applying the model?  Share it with us!  Do you have questions, or want to see a particular article written?  Let us know!  We're all in this together, and cheering each other on.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Laura Longmire
laural@relationallife.com
P.S. Learn more about me in an article below!

Terry Looks Back, Reaches Ahead

What a wonderful and humbling moment this is for me. Years ago I dedicated myself to a mission: to teach as many people who wanted to learn how to live more relationally skilled, satisfying lives, and to do what I could to effect the way that therapy — and in particular, couples therapy — was delivered in this country and beyond.

I've spent years watching good people suffer in disastrous relationships, often while children watched, and professionals tried (and failed) to be of much help. The phrase that comes to me over and over again is, "This is real." These are real families, real legacies, real consequences, and when it works, real transformations.

A client quoted an old Hollywood director as saying, "It's not you; it's not me. It's the movie." That sentiment keeps me at this and helps steady me. It's about the mission.

So many people have stepped forward over the years to offer their time, resources and goodwill. People like Laura Longmire, who has spent untold hours on this newsletter. I want to publicly thank her, and thank the dozens of “champions” current and past. I think about people like Cara Weed, (remember “The Disseminator”, our first newsletter?), Lori Hall, Cindy Browning, Alan Braverman, Dee Marcotte and so many others who put time, energy, their reputations on the line to help bring this work out into the world. I feel profoundly inspired by Jan Bergstrom and Lisa Merlo-Booth and the heart they've poured into this work for years.

As we look forward to the hope of making an impact, I want to pause for a moment and tip my hat to the many sincere and generous folks - therapists, couples, parents, and individuals alike - who got us here. Thanks & blessings to you all!

Warmly,
Terry

Finally!! We have a NEWSLETTER!
Many of you have been asking us for years to create a newsletter that would keep you up to speed on the goings-on of the Institute. We also heard that you wanted some “food for thought” and helpful tips to enrich your practice and commitment to live relationally. Our hope is that The Relational Lifeline will do this, and that you will give us your feedback, ideas and thoughts on what might make future issues even more helpful.

We are indebted to Laura Longmire, our volunteer editor of this newsletter, who has made this, our inaugural issue, a reality. Without her guidance and leadership (and hard work) we know that this might have been a “one day” to-do instead of the creative issue you’re reading now. Thank you, Laura!

There has been a lot going on in the past year. We have launched a new website. Terry has a new blog, “REAL Advice”. We have spruced up our workshops and developed power point slide decks for all. We re-launched our professional training program for therapists and helping professionals, and we can now “certify” professionals in four levels of training. We have developed some exciting affiliate partnerships to augment our services with other types of healing.

We have also re-launched the company, moved into new office space, and we are in the midst of developing faculty to deliver our various workshops. We have also begun a formal “Champion program” for those of you who would like to help us spread the word about Relational Living in various regions around the country and world.

In addition, we have created a “back office” business team of professionals assisting with the legal, financial, marketing, PR and operational sides of the business. I’d say we’re well on our way to making this a REAL company that fulfills our mission to bring Relational Life Therapy™ and Full Respect Living™ to the world at large.

Many of you have had questions about a few of these changes, so I wanted to touch on the “big” questions. They are:

1. What’s the name of Terry’s organization, again?
So let’s get everyone on the same page about RLI. Having gone through different iterations of names for both this organization AND this work, we have settled on our “brand” names.  In 2007, we re-incorporated as REAL Relational Solutions (or RRS), which is a Delaware LLC and the “holding” company for our Institute. Having a structure like RRS allows us to branch out into the corporate sector, create subsidiaries for affiliations and partnerships, and provides us with a financial structure that is easily managed. Don’t confuse the RRS brand with the entity that is listed on most of our workshop materials and marketing collateral - The Relational Life Institute, or “RLI.” The Relational Life Institute is dedicated to teaching the general public how to live relational lives and to teaching mental health professionals the practice of Relational Life Therapy – or RLT™.

2. And you call your “brand” of therapy what?
Relational Empowerment? Still critical! But it is no longer the name of the methodology that Terry has created over the years and the principals that are taking the therapeutic world by storm. Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, is how we are now referring to this work. Lest you think we simply sit around and come up with ways to confuse you, there is good reason for the change. As many know, Relational Empowerment Therapy was a catchy and well-liked (and widely used) name, but over time, many wanted to abbreviate the name, and R.E.T is trademarked. (Thanks to our legal team, we’ve had a crash-course in domain names, trademarks, and URLs…)  So, we changed to “RLT”, which is  something we can call our very own.

3. You’re “launching?” What does this mean?
Ah – the big launch. We worked hard on our strategy and we are delighted to be taking the show on the road to 8 cities this year. Don’t fret!  if you live in a city we’re not hitting this year, and if you think there could be good interest, we’re still considering where our top spots will be for 2009. Let us know!

The cities we will be “launching” in include: Denver, Chicago, Houston, Minneapolis, Boston, Los Angeles, New York, and San Francisco. To start, Terry will be delivering a day-long event for helping professionals, called “Unlocking Impasses in Couples Therapy: From Narcissism, Contempt and Dependency to Compassion, Respect and Partnership.” Following this one day event, we will be returning to each city to conduct our 3-day, Level-1 Practicum Training for professionals.

Following these two professional development programs, we will be offering our Relational Life Skills Workshop (for couples and individuals), and our new Legacy Workshop (for parents.) Our Advanced Practicum and Terry’s Couple’s Experiential will continue to be offered only in the Boston area, until such a time that there is momentum in some of our target cities to warrant hosting these workshops in other areas. It is our hope that communities of practice will emerge in these and other cities in the future, where RLI workshops and support services will be available to those who are interested.

4. So, I hear you’ve got REAL offices?
It’s true! After 25+ years working in an office at the Family Institute of Cambridge, Terry is now seeing patients in a new space. We combined the need for Terry to have a bit more sunlight with the need for RLI to have some space for its growing operations and found a beautiful spot right down the street from where it all began (in Jan Bergstrom’s house) in Arlington. Our new address is: 754 Mass Ave, Arlington MA 02476.

5. Who’s Who?
Many of you don’t know the folks who work on a regular basis for RLI:

Terry Real  –  The guy who wrote the books and started all the fun.

Susan Brady – The one who leads RRS and RLI and manages all the fun.

Lisa Sullivan – The reason Terry’s private practice is organized, yet she “doubles” as Director of Operations for RLI - overseeing customer service, registration, and web and event management.

Tyler Horn – The one you’ll see at onsite workshop bookstores; he also manages the many details of office and product management.

Lisa Merlo Booth – The person who is working closely with Terry to constantly improve our workshop agendas and flow, and who teaches professionals RLT so that they can effectively use this methodology in their practices.

Mary Raymakers – Our resident healer, Mary is an affiliate of RLI and offers her shamanic energy healing work to our workshop participants.

John Fabbrini – our Chief Financial Officer; John makes sure we (at the end of the day) stay financially viable and GROW.

Annette Jaynes – our bookkeeper – Annette astutely pays the bills and reconciles our books.

Kimberly Krautter – our ace publicist, Kimberly manages all press and developed and manages Terry’s new blog, REAL ADVICE.

Emily Boyle and the Virtual Magic Team – as our marketing and technical arm, these folks manage the design, “look and feel” and the back end of our website as well as our eCommerce system, and they assist with other marketing initiatives.

Robert Cassidy and R. Cassidy Productions – our professional event partner; manages the marketing and registration process for our big 1-day events in our target cities.

In our next newsletter, we will share with you more information about our champions, our professional coaches, the workshop faculty, and our RLI affiliates.

6. What can I do to get involved?     
We have launched the RLI Champion Program this year because we need your help, and you have responded!

We’ve had several dozen people around the country raise their hand to help us to get the word out and help with our upcoming events. As Terry has said, this is a grassroots effort, and we are committed to creating communities of practice where people can create a life of Full Respect for themselves and with others. We are asking our RLI Champions to contribute to the creation of a ground swell of participation in RLI activities. There is no set amount of activity volunteers need to do to be a champion.  You choose how much time you have and give what you can. We’re asking for a 1-year commitment, where we can count on you to be spreading the word about this way of living and about RLI. 

RLI Champions may choose to do this in a variety of ways:

1. Hand out, email and post flyers about RLI workshops, services or products
2. Make calls to your network of people to come to our events
3. Make inroads with local media, when we are in your area (or create a need for us to be there!)
4. Help us to call upon RLI’s local contacts

We thank our RLI Champion’s in a variety of ways, including:

1. Upon acceptance of this invitation, receive a complimentary copy of our new CD “Making Love Work”
2. Earn “RLI Bucks” for referrals (for every person that you refer to us, you get $50 RLI Bucks. You can use these “RLI Bucks” to put towards attendance at any workshop.)
3. Invitation to a one-day, tuition free, Global Champion Conference, where you can network with others who are practicing Relational Living, where you can meet our staff and some of our faculty, and where Terry can share with you some of his latest thinking.
4. Be listed on our website as a RLI Champion

To raise YOUR hand and join us an RLI Champion, please email us at info@relationallife.com

We hope that this overview helps you better understand where we are today with the Institute. We’ll fill you in on other exciting programs in future issues of Relational Lifeline.  

We send you our very best, and look forward to seeing you or hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,

Susan Brady
President & CEO
Relational Life Institute & REAL Relational Solutions

That Miracle Moment by Dee Marcotte – RLI Faculty Member and Certified RLI Therapist

As an RLI faculty member and therapist, there are many things that I find unusual and helpful when using the RLI model.  My favorite part of the model is that moment when the grandiose/blatant partner actually gets reconnected.  In my experience, all of the energy of the couple and the therapy change in a second.  Suddenly they are able to "get" what they have been doing, and why it doesn't work. They become careful about what they do and say, and most specifically become accountable for their actions/inactions. It's like witnessing a miracle. 

And whether a therapist or client, isn’t that the moment any of us come to therapy seeking?

After any educational experience, most people (if it went well) are on a bit of a "high." Full of commitments to "do things differently" and inspired by the wisdom and awareness received at our workshops, many past participants leave with great intentions only to find it a bit harder than they thought to stay in "second consciousness." This regular feature will share stories of what past participants of RLI workshops have done when they got home to "keep it REAL."

At the recommendation of their therapist, Dr. Andrew Geller, Maura and John C. came to the Boston Legacy Workshop in February.  They left with a good deal of new awareness about themselves, some "great new skills" and a commitment to working together so that they can be a psychologically-healthy parental team for their three children and continue to work on their own relationship.  Maura recently shared with us that she has kept "the learning alive" since February in two ways:

1. "John and I have a 'book date' every Wednesday night, where we both come having read a chapter or a portion of a chapter of The New Rules of Marriage, and then we discuss it."

2. "I reached out via email to 4-5 other women who attended the Legacy Workshop (all from the Boston area but spread apart by 30 miles!) and organized a 'Legacy Lunch' where a couple of us got together and talked about our experience and how it's been going since the workshop."

We salute Maura and John in their efforts to build their relational practice, and in so doing, supporting those around them to do the same.

Useful Tool: The RLI Relationship Inventory

This being our inaugural issue, we thought an inventory would be a good place to start. Whether you’re new to RLI or have begun your practice, take a moment to answer the ten questions on our Relationship Inventory.  It is a simple tool designed to shed light on what kind of relationship difficulties you have, and where they fit in the broad range of problems couples often face.  If you’ve taken it in the past and have been using these new tools, consider taking it again to see where the principles have taken you. 

Featured Product: Wonderful Marriage by Lilo & Gerald Leeds

“Lilo & Gerald Leeds are that couple you rarely see at a cocktail party: Married 50+ years and about whom you get the feeling they can’t wait for the party to clear out so they can go back to their hotel room and be alone. They said they got tired of giving out the “secrets of their passionate marriage” and wrote a book to settle the issue once and for all. Read it – it’s full of old fashioned graciousness and sensible advice.” — Terry Real

Wonderful Marriage: A Guide to Building a Great Relationship That Will Last a Lifetime covers finances, sex, communication, children, religion, dating, health, arguing, honeymooning and many other critical relationship issues. This is not a conservative or old-fashioned guide to landing a spouse but a refreshing and easy-to-understand book that will help both partners in a marriage feel validated and satisfied.

I initially met Terry in 1995. It was one of those happy and strange coincidences that with hindsight don't seem like coincidences at all. I was at a troubled point in my life and decided to seek help. I made a series of calls with the yellow pages as my only guide.

For some reason, when Terry returned my call, I inexplicably made an appointment with him and cancelled the one already scheduled with another likewise random therapist. Although I had already been to several therapists during my life, and had benefited from many of them, it was immediately clear to me that Terry was going to be different.

He introduced me to Pia Mellody's work, and they both helped me to start changing myself and my life. (I was also in group therapy with Terry's wife Belinda -- a fantastic therapist! I can't not mention her here.) A year or so later, I moved out of state and stopped seeing Terry and Belinda, but continued to hone the tools I was introduced to in Boston.

Many years later I found myself in a very troubled relationship, and not for the first time. A dear friend of my beloved gave him a vigorously recommended copy of Terry’s book I Don’t Want to Talk About It. I was floored! I devoured it! Here was an inventory of what was wrong in my relationship, and what I wanted to have instead.

This reconnection with Terry’s work fueled me to finally begin my graduate degree with the ultimate goal of working with Terry’s model. My school training is in process, and I’ve also recently started my training with RLI.

RLI Staff:
Terry Real, Founder, RLI

Susan Brady, President
& CEO, RRS

Tyler Horn,
Partner & Project Manager, RRS

Laura Longmire, Editor, Relational Lifeline Newsletter

Beth McGuire, Intervention Consultant and Family Therapist

Lisa Merlo-Booth,
Director of Faculty, RLI

Lisa Sullivan,
Director of Operations,
RRS